Diary of a Layman #1 (Winter 2006): In the beginning…



Hello, and welcome to the first official The Layman’s Answers To Everything book update!

Some of you, I talk with all the time, some of you haven’t heard from me in awhile, and some of you have absolutely no freaking idea who the hell I am and are wondering how I got your precious email address. To the first group, well, this will serve as a review, for the second, this will explain why I haven’t been in touch, and for the third, here’s the deal: I am an ordinary guy who has just so happened to have stumbled upon the answers to everything and recently finished writing a 1,000 page book about it which I hope to one day share with you. I guess at some point, we met, and you found my impassioned explanation of what I was doing interesting enough to give me your email address, most likely expecting to never hear from me again. Obviously, you were wrong—but not to worry, as you shall see, this is actually a good thing.

If you aren’t familiar with the story, here’s a brief synopsis:

The Layman’s Answers To Everything is a spiritual comedy—or spiromedy—about an unlucky guy who can’t catch a break until he discovers that there are secret messages hidden in TV, movies, and music aimed at guiding humanity. With the help of a bizarre cast of characters, his own gut instinct, and a bunch of cheesy 70s songs on the radio, he uses these messages to start a new religion which changes the world. Overall, the story is a vehicle for my theories that teaches how to discover your destiny using the clues of the universe.

Now, for the update: I’ve just finished writing, printing and binding this 1,000 page tome, registering it with the Writer’s Guild, and passing it out to several friends and family members for feedback. Being that I’ve spent the last three years of my life writing this book, pretty much sacrificing my career and any chance of having a social life in the process, I’m sort of a bit curious what people think of it. And you should be too, because as one of the first 100 people to know about this book, you are a founding father/mother of spreading the word about it to others—sort of how the early R.E.M. fans were until everyone knew about them and it just wasn’t cool anymore.  All kidding aside (or at least, a good 90% of it aside), I truly feel this book is going to make a real impact on the world, and set into motion a spiritual domino effect that’ll help change it for the better. And judging from the way the world is heading, what, with terrorist organizations overwhelmingly winning political races and corporations running our once great nation, I’m thinking that changing the way we’re heading would be a good thing, no?

If you don’t agree, or would just prefer not to get any further emails from me. Just let me know, and I’ll take you off the list—no hard feelings.

Okay, so that’s all for now. Tune in next time when Marc finds out whether his three-year sacrifice was well worth it, or, useful only in having exercised the muscles in his fingers.  As the email audience of my life’s reality show, y’all will be the first to know.

Thanks for your interest,


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The Layman posted at 2006-1-30 Category: Diary of a Layman

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