The Layman's Answers to Everything

The meaning of life according to some guy who likes TV and stuff.

Have you been feeling a bit dizzy lately? Does time feel like it’s been flying by faster than ever? Experiencing ringing in your ears? Seeing flashes of light or fleeting glimpses of things that aren’t there? If you’re not head-over heels in love, pregnant, or smokin’ da ganja, you may be going through what’s known as ascension symptoms. What are they, why are they happening, what do they mean, and will they ever go away? If you’d like answers to questions like these, the latest installment of Layman just might be the prescription you’ve been looking for.

Just like people, our planet is evolving. And because we live on it, whatever changes our world goes through, we’re going to go through too—whether we’re ready or not. Most of us are not. Because of this, we’re sort of being stretched outside of our comfort zone. This results in what I’ve dubbed spiritual growing pains, or ascension symptoms, as they’re more commonly known.

Back in June of 2010, I wrote about some of the symptoms I’d been experiencing personally or had heard about from others (see “Layman #18: Spiritual Growing Pains”). In that article, I defined ascension symptoms simply as, “the side effects we feel as we stretch ourselves to keep up with a spiritually evolving world.” That’s the basic idea, but I’d like to expand more on this now as we are getting closer to karmageddon—the moment when we see whether we’ve grown enough to handle the new world, or still have a lot of work left to do.

It seems that the last several years has centered around the theme of letting go and I think that’s going to come to a head by the end of this year to make room for the new energy of 2013. The amount of discomfort that this may or may not bring about is directly proportional to how much you’re holding on to. But what do I mean by a theme of “letting go” and why is everything coming “to a head”?

All of this can get kind of confusing and esoteric so I think it’ll help if I return to an analogy I made in the “Spiritual Growing Pains” article—comparing time to a spinning record. “Like a record, time can move at one speed, but imagine that on this record there are lines going from the edge to the center, like slices of a pizza. As the needle on the record gets closer to the center, it would hit each line quicker and quicker.”

In the article, I go on to explain that these lines represent themes in history, and each time the needle hits the same line again, the same theme pops up as it applies to that time. (The theme of arrogance resulted in the sinking of the Titanic, the fall of the World Trade Center, the failing of the banks “too big to fail,” and the drilling screw ups of the oil industry too advanced to screw up.) “The themes are happening quicker and quicker because we are getting closer to the center of the record where the lines begin to converge. And once we hit the center, everything will happen at once.”

The purpose of these themes isn’t to punish us, but to help us to grow so we can be ready for the next level. Based on the recent themes of modesty and letting go, it would seem that in the world to come, those who are less arrogant and need fewer attachments and possessions in order to be happy will fare better than those who rely on ego and materialism for their self-worth.

This future world—or record to keep the analogy going—already exists right now. With a record, all the music that’s recorded on it always exists; it’s just that we only hear the music that’s playing. Time is just like this. Everything that’s ever happened, could happen, or will happen, already exists. But we are only experiencing the time of the present moment. We are only experiencing the music as it plays. As we move to the center of the record, the themes begin to come at us faster and faster, until, the record ends and a new one comes on. Modern-day science already accepts that our experience of time is illusionary. We just don’t think in this way because science is usually pretty crappy at providing understandable analogies (with the exception of Brian Greene’s Nova Specials ).

To help explain how you fit into this picture, imagine that there are three different kinds of people living on the spinning record with each experiencing the movement of time from different perspectives. The first kind of person is a spiritually heavy kind of person with a slower vibration. They are most focused on the physical aspects of their experience—money, possessions, appearance, status, etc. Let’s call this type of person a Snooki Boo Boo.

The Snooki Boo Boo lives on the record needle as it flows over the grooves of the record. Because it is so close to the physical record, it’s the only experience it knows and values. The music is all the Snooki Boo Boo cares about and its objective is to just enjoy it as it comes. Unfortunately for the Snooki  Boo Boo however, the record skips every once in awhile. When this happens, the Snooki Boo Boo gets thrown off of the needle, gets injured, and has to find a way to climb back on again so it continue to experience life as it did before. Usually, this climb makes the Snooki Boo Boo stronger and so it’s better able to hold on when the record skips again. But eventually, the Snooki Boo Boo will regresses to its passive ways and fall off the needle once again the next time it skips.

The polar opposite of the Snooki Boo Boo is what we’ll call Dolly Llama. Dolly is an ascended master who is able to float above the center of the record. From this perspective, it can still hear the music of the record, but it isn’t as affected by it when it skips since it’s floating above it. Dolly has the added benefit of being able to see where the record is going and when skips may be coming. The downside for Dolly is that because she’s floating above the grooves, she doesn’t get the same physical sensations as the Snooki Boo Boo. Over time however, the pros definitely outweigh the cons. Unfortunately though, few of us are able to let go of the physical aspects of the record to float high enough to become full-fledged Dolly Llamas. Besides the actual Dalai Lama, there aren’t many who get to this level.

That leaves the third type of person, which we’ll call, the Halfling. Neither experiencing the full physical pleasures of the record, nor yet able to float above it all, the Halfling unfortunately gets to experience the worst of both worlds. Because the Halfling hovers a bit over the record sometimes, it can’t rely on the needle to simply carry it through life, and must instead work to keep up with the Snooki Boo Boos. If the Halfling were willing to let go of its physical experience, it could transform into a Dolly Llama and float all the time, but it isn’t willing or able to do so. Because it’s hovering a bit, the Halfling can sometimes spot upcoming skips in the record, but usually it’s putting too much effort into just keeping up with the pace of the record’s RPM to do anything about it and suffers the same fate as the Snooki Boo Boo.

When it trips on a skip, the Halfling tends to either focus on the physical aspect of the fall and how much more work it’s going to have to do to keep up now that it’s lost time and may be injured, or, it can ricochet off the record and float up higher if it grows from its challenging experience. Stuck between the material and spiritual realms, the Halfling diverts its energy between the two, requiring double the effort for half the result—and that result is usually just going around in circles. As you may have already guessed, you, me, and most spiritual people are Halflings. As such, we usually have the hardest challenges and the most severe ascension symptoms. The upside is that Halflings have the most potential for growth since Dolly Llamas are already ascended and Snooki Boo Boos rarely get off the ground.

When Halflings are able to grow, they float above the skips of the physical record and become like the Dolly Llamas. This higher level is where the next record is located. Anyone who remembers the ol’ automatic record player may recall that the next records were stacked above, ready to plop into place when the old record was complete. Floating near the upcoming record gives Dollys and Halflings a chance to experience the new grooves before they come into play, so there are less surprises. This record will also likely spin at a different RPM, or vibration, than the record that just played, so that also takes getting used to. In short, the higher you can float off the record, the easier your transition will be to the new recording. And while Snooki Boo Boos have been coasting along, they’ll have the hardest time adjusting to the new groove since the old record is the only one they’ve ever known.

How does any of this relate to ascension symptoms? Let’s just say that it’s time to face the music. Our old record is almost over and the songs from the new one are beginning to bleed through our consciousness. This feedback is what’s causing the ascension symptoms. The Snooki Boo Boos are too focused on the old record to hear it. The Dolly Llamas are already synchronized so aren’t as affected. That leaves us Halflings bearing the brunt of the symptoms.

So, what are these symptoms? There are many. A quick Google search will yield all kinds of sites with symptom lists. Some lists are long, others break them down into Top 10 lists of common ones. I can only write from my experience and what gets channeled through me. If you’ve been experiencing something that I don’t list here, feel free to check out some of these other lists which seem to have more generic symptoms. Usually, these symptoms are a sign that you are growing spiritually and that’s a good thing. Of course, any of these can be signs of other, more serious problems. So you should seek medical help if your symptoms have been prolonged or affecting your quality of life.

Tinnitus (Ringing In Your Ears)
Nearly everyone has experienced a ringing in the ears after a loud concert, fireworks, or temporarily out of the blue. As an ascension symptom though, it is continuous and goes on for weeks, months, years, or a lifetime. In the article “Your Body Is The Mirror of Your Life,” author Martin Brofman, Ph.D. writes about The Inner Sound: the sound heard in the ears “that does not depend upon something in the physical world. Some consider it a pathological condition. In some of the eastern traditions the ability to hear this is considered a necessary prerequisite to further spiritual growth.” Because the next dimension—or record—may be moving at a faster RPM, the bleed through that we are getting from it may sound like a high pitch. But once we can raise our personal RPMs or vibrations/consciousness, we will be in tune with this frequency and be able to hear its message clearly. (For more about raising your vibration, see my April 2012 “Answers to Everything” post “The Science of Raising Your Vibration”. While I always used to get ringing in my ears from time to time, beginning in November of 2011, it became a permanent condition of my left ear. Interestingly, the left is often known as our spiritual or feeling side, so it would make sense that this side is more sensitive to feedback from beyond our reality. Then again, the bottle rocket that blew up near my left ear when I was in my twenties may also have had something to do with it. Why it’s manifesting now though, seems more than coincidental.

Fleeting Glimpses, Light Flashes, and Floaters
Ever see bright flashes of light in the dark, or little blobbies floating across your field of vision? These are normal conditions of the eye, but when they begin to happen more frequently, it can be a sign of a strained or detaching retina or ascension symptoms. I’ve been told by eye docs that despite my horrible myopia (usually a precursor of floaters and future issues), my retina is fine. Floaters became a frequent part of my visual experience around 2001. Seeing flashes of light began several years ago and I began seeing fleeting glimpses just this year. Fleeting glimpses are kind of creepy. You think you saw something move right next to you, but just as David Gilmour sings in “Comfortably Numb” you turn to look and it’s gone. Occasionally, I also see these glowing sea monkey type things, usually in groups of 3-7. They are almost a hybrid between the darkish floaters and the bright flashes of light. It’s similar to when you are staring at several bright bulbs for a while and then turn away and still see them, only, there isn’t any bright bulbs preceding their appearance. They sometimes take the form of geometric shapes like honeycombs or hexagons, which is interesting since these shapes seem to be popping up all over the place lately. Seeing just one really bright light out of nowhere is another experience I’ve had that I describe in detail in the “Spiritual Growing Pains” Layman post and it feels like the most powerful of the bunch. So, is all of this the result of spirits, eye defects, our imaginations? Just like hearing something that isn’t there, seeing something that isn’t there is likely the result of bleed through from the next dimension. Growing ourselves and speeding up our vibrations will likely make these messages more than eerie apparitions, but signs we can consciously follow.  Only then will we be able to decipher the winning lottery numbers which floaters are trying to form for those of us who are spiritually advanced enough to see them. Of course, the lottery our soul wants us to win is the one that gets us into the next dimension, not Powerball.

Ocular Migraines and Dizziness
Imagine sitting at your computer and suddenly you see what looks like part of the screen getting pixilated, beginning to swirl around and expand until it covers a quarter to half of your field of vision. Only thing is, the swirling spectrum of color isn’t on the screen, it’s in your eye. It looks like a sparkly pinwheel, lasts for about a half-hour, and when it’s done leaves you with a splitting headache. If you’ve ever had this experience, you’ve had an ocular migraine, and it sucks. For me, I find I tend to get them when I’ve recently eaten dairy, poultry, or some other allergenic food. I’m usually also dehydrated and running on less sleep than usual. Oh yeah, it often occurs when I’m at the computer and in the spring or fall—allergy seasons. When I feel them coming on, I find that drinking a ton of water prevents it from getting bad and can lessen the blow of the inevitable headache. From what I’ve read about chakras being swirling balls of energy, the forms I see during ocular migraines look very similar. Related to ocular migraines is dizziness: dizziness when standing up too fast, dizziness from allergies, or dizziness just from being dizzy. Apart from the occasional ocular migraine and sinus headache, thankfully I haven’t experienced this too much. I do get brain fog a bit though, mostly from too much carbs methinks. I have heard about dizziness affecting others though. Much like trying to read in a moving car, I think dizziness is a result of our brain trying to adjust to a motion its only subtly detecting. As we’re experiencing life at one speed, yet being influenced by another, the brain can get confused, and hence, we get dizzy. I think breathing exercises and yoga can help if this is a common condition.

Fey and Floating Ink Tentacles
Ever since I was a kid, every once in awhile, usually before going to bed or waking up at night after a dream, I’d see thousands of tiny dots flying around like flies all around me. When I’d put on my glasses, they’d seem to get clearer, however, if I turned on the light, they’d disappear. Around Y2K, I also began seeing these swirly black tentacles—usually hovering around windows, that almost seemed to form out of these tiny dots. The first time I saw the black smoke monster on Lost, I got the chills because these tentacle things looked just like it—black ink swirling in water. While I thought for sure that this was my own, unique experience, it seems that many spiritually inclined peeps have seen these buggers. Someone even referred to them as fey—the particles that create our illusionary experience. Since I like to look at the world as a computer simulation (when I’m not comparing it to a record, but really, it’s pretty similar), this fey seem like the pixels that make up the computer screen. The woman who told me about the fey actually described them more as bubbles in a fish tank and said that if you stand up you might be able to see over the rim, as though they were forming some kind of field around you. I tried it, and it did kind of seem like that, but the pixilated screen analogy seems to fit better for me than a fish tank, though, those ideas are pretty similar. Either way, these dots do seem to be the particles that are creating our current experience. Perhaps there is a way to control them so that they can do our conscious bidding. Or maybe we have to wait for the next dimension for that. Either way, fey is pretty cool, even though at times I get the sense that they are of a dark energy. It’s as though the light sparks and flashes are the angels and the dark spots and tentacles are the demons. If angels are what we think of as light energy and demons as physical, heavy energy, there could be something to this since it probably takes both kinds to create our world, just as it takes a positive and negative current to light a light bulb.

Sudden Wafts of Scents
Every so often, I’ll get a waft of a scent out of nowhere that seems to have no discernable source. I’ll be walking though my apartment and suddenly smell roses or potpourri or I’ll be outside and smell maple syrup. It comes on suddenly and then disappears. I heard somewhere that smelling roses is a sign of the Virgin Mary, but I sometimes wonder if it’s a sign of any spiritual presence—one that’s on the upcoming record waiting to help with my transition to the next reality. Of course, there could be logical explanations for all of these. I smell pot all the time in my apartment, but I’m pretty sure it’s coming from someone below me. And perhaps the effects of that are causing some of these other symptoms. I’m open to that possibility, but its more interesting for me to believe that there’s something more to these scents.

New Allergies
I’ve always had allergies. However, I’ve never had reactions to foods like eggs until recently. When I was in school, maybe one kid in the entire grade had a peanut or milk allergy, and I’m not even sure I knew about that much. Today, it seems that about half of a school has some kind of food allergy, to the point that kids aren’t even allowed to bring in PB&J sandwiches in for lunch anymore! No PB&J??? That’s pretty much all I ate in fourth grade! So what gives? I think we are becoming more sensitive to the world around us, and in our present dimension this is manifesting as allergies. On top of this, it seems that the food industry is taking short cuts and I don’t think the quality of the food today is as good as it used to be. Put it together and you get a worldwide aversion to many kinds of foods. Since nerdy types are usually the stereotype for having allergies, it begs the question if we are becoming a world of nerds? Well, they say the meek shall inherit the earth. Add the rosacea, asthma, and eyelid twitching that sometimes accompanies my allergic reactions and hopefully I’ll be a strong contender for this future world with all my nerdy buddies.

Trouble Swallowing Certain Foods
Of all my newly acquired symptoms, this one is by far the worst. I’m not sure if it’s a result of acid reflux, allergies, or some kind of food intolerance, but around 2008 I began having an issue with swallowing food. Spiritually speaking, when you have trouble swallowing something, it’s like you’re having trouble accepting it. In eastern medicine, they sometimes refer to this as a blocked qi energy. As a Halfling with a soul that wants me to let go, I’m sure I’m subconsciously resisting the physical and palatary pleasures of the material world. Perhaps my soul wants me to go vegan, but sometimes peanut oil seems to be one of the culprits. After two endoscopies, I still don’t have an answer for this one, but hope that in the next world we get our energy solely from solar or empathic download or something. Well, assuming we can still taste chocolate and stuff. See? This is why I’m a Halfling!

Tingling Sensation or Pins & Needles
We’ve all experienced having our foot or hand fall asleep. But starting this year, I began feeling it sometimes when I woke up in the morning. I guess it’s easy to blame the Tempur-Pedic bed I’m now sleeping on, but if that were the case, it seems like I’d get it all the time, but I don’t. These tingles have also coincided with similar vibrations I’ve felt in my feet when meditating or at some kind of spiritual event—usually when I’m sitting upright in a chair with my feet planted firmly on the ground. It’s almost as though I can feel the tingly energy of the ground moving up through my body. If only I could learn to channel that tingling energy into some kind of super power or something. Then again, those with the power to shoot electric bolts out of their fingers are usually portrayed as bad guys.

Insomnia
As our body and brains try to adapt to the frequency of the new reality, it can leave our heads spinning. If you’ve been living a hectic city lifestyle and then vacation at a cabin in the woods, chances are your mind isn’t going to instantly adapt to that setting. It’s the same as when you get off a treadmill, or get on one. It’s also similar to how after a day at the beach, you feel the ocean when your head hits the pillow at night. Trying to wind down in our fast-paced society can be a challenge for anyone, and the increasing demands of life are making doing so increasingly more difficult. It’s no wonder there has been such a dramatic increase in sleeping medications on the market. When we drift off to sleep, I believe we connect to our higher soul, which is already drifting in this higher dimension. But since this more advanced dimension may be running at higher RPMs, it may be hard for those who are feeling stressed out by the hectic demands of life to connect. When we are stressed, our vibration lowers, creating a wider separation between our earth-bound soul and higher soul. I went through a brief bout of insomnia around 2008/2009. Magnolia Bark which represses the production of cortisol—the stress hormone—combined with exercise, yoga, and meditation helped bring back my normal cycles. Some may find melatonin supplements or sleeping in a completely dark room helpful as well.

Fleeting Time
As we get older, time seems to go faster. This is because each year of our life makes up a smaller and smaller percentage of our total life experience. When you’re two, that year is half you’re life. When you’re 82, it’s only 1/82 of your life. This has always been true, but lately time seems to be speeding up at a ridiculous pace. This is because we are getting closer and closer to the center of the record. The record is still spinning at the same RPM, but there is now a lot less space to cover the same number of energetic themes, which compresses life into smaller and smaller chunks. For example, these days, most people need a smart phone to function at their best in society. And smart phones need apps, and apps need to be upgraded and utilized. Your phone itself also needs to be upgraded and when there’s issues, it needs fixing or replacing. And with increasing functionality and technology, more and more is now expected of you, and you’re expected to do it faster and faster. But just six years ago, no one even had a smart phone. And that’s just one new aspect of new things which are sucking up our time. Hell, this blog is sucking up my time, and the ideas for it which used to come to me four times a year, are now coming fast and furious to the point where I’m now writing posts that are two times longer, three times more frequently. But it’s all about us connecting on a more unified level. Time is moving towards one moment as we are all moving towards being one unified population. Soon, we will be conscious of how we are all connected and that there is only one moment. And that’s when we’ll be ready for the new record. But trust me, the new record is coming way before most of us will be ready for it. The best place to be is floating above it, i.e., raising your vibration. To the Snooki Boo Boos, time doesn’t seem to be going that much faster because they are coasting along on the stylus just as they always have. At the center of the record, the Dolly Llamas are not even affected by time at all, and just get to spin in place as the world spins like mad around them. The poor Halfling though is exhaustedly trying to keep up: floating, falling, and drifting around the record at various times. Like Dolly, the Halfling sees the madness that’s spinning around it, but since it’s still a part of that madness, it has to sprint faster and faster to keep up. The trick is to just slow down and go with the flow. Then rise above it all at your own pace. There’s a reason religions have a built-in rest day. It’s to prevent us from getting caught up in the chaos and to learn to ride the waves instead of being knocked down by them. The record that’s coming our way is likely moving faster than the one we’re on. But once we can get on it, we can let its own RPMs do the work for us. In other words, once we raise our vibrations to a point where we are in coherence with the frequency of the coming dimension, we won’t have to work so hard to try to keep up with it. And we do this by letting go.

Near-Compulsive Urge to Clear Away
As we approach the new age, the more attachments we can let go of, the higher we’ll be able to float upwards. These attachments include material possessions, ego, our need for control, to follow the unwritten rules of society, and to keep up with the Joneses. Letting go doesn’t mean that we throw away all these things, it means we let go of our dependence on them for our own happiness. Having luxuries and a great job isn’t the problem. Having a need for it in order to feel any self-worth is. If Oprah lost all her riches, she’d still be able to grow them again quickly because she doesn’t depend on them for her happiness. Her happiness comes from her sharing her gifts with the world. Those who define themselves by what they have rather than what they are will face the biggest challenges in the upcoming age of enlightenment.

Feathers, Coins, and Sacred Geometry
Since our brain is not calibrated to the upcoming world, the energies that occur over there, don’t translate the same way over here. To try to make sense of the discrepancy, our brain applies certain signs and symbols that are the closest match. They say that departed loved ones often leave signs of coins or that angelic energies translate as feathers. The truth may simply be that our brain is sensing an energy it doesn’t know how to make sense of, but by subliminally recognizing the energy, it converts them into the closest symbols it can relate to. When our soul is connected to its higher-self during sleep, it brings back these energies to our mind which translates them into the seemingly strange symbolism manifesting in dreams. But since our waking world also exists in an illusionary state, our minds can also create these same objects in this reality. So when these energetic beings from other dimensions come in tune with our own vibrations, we experience actual objects being created like coins and feathers. In addition to these symbols, lately I’ve also been experiencing a lot of hexagons, honeycombs, and other sacred geometric shapes in my life, my field of vision, movies, and TV. (For more on this see August’s Answers to Everything post, “Have You Seen The Honeycombs?”)

When you put all of these symptoms together, it seems as though we are being weaned off of our senses, while our instincts are being enhanced. Perhaps in the upcoming reality, our senses can no longer be trusted, or even needed, since they are only reflections of an illusionary existence. The message seems to be that we should let them go and trust our instincts instead. This message is nothing new. It’s what Obi Wahn told Luke in Star Wars and the theme of just about every spiritual story we’ve ever heard.

As natural as this transformation is, the transformation does not come naturally. It takes a lot of inner work and growth, which is uncomfortable. Not nearly as uncomfortable as what we’ll experience without it however. Ascension symptoms are a sign that we are on the right path, but more growth is required. This work often involves mental changes such as letting go of hatred, coming to terms with what is, being in the moment, training our brain not to react or make judgments, and to give energy to what we want rather than what we don’t want. The further we step outside our comfort zone, the more growth that’s likely to occur. Social changes include repairing strained relationships, sharing with and empowering others, using our gifts in positive ways, and being more open and honest. Physical changes involve the foods we eat, the exercise we get, the attention we give to the breath, the rest we obtain, and the degree to which our body serves the needs of our soul. Spiritual changes result from the conscious recognition of all of the above. This is how we prepare ourselves for the world to come, increase our vibration, and lessen the severity of ascension symptoms.

As we move towards this transitional stage, many wonder what it will be like. I think there is perhaps no better example than that seen in the YouTube viral video, “David After Dentist.” To me, this kid epitomizes the sense of confusion and fear that most of us will likely experience moving from one dimension to the next: “Is this real life? I feel funny. Why is this happening to me? Is this gonna be forever??” All the while, a loving father figure will ease our fears and guide us to where we need to be, consoling us all and letting us know that everything is going to be all right—and no, it’s not going to be forever. Just long enough to kick the living Snooki Boo Boo out of us.

May your inner spark grow to light your way,
Marc

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If you aren’t familiar with my books, here’s a brief synopsis:

The Layman’s Answers To Everything is a spiritual comedy (or spiromedy) about an unlucky guy who believes he’s meant to do something amazing, but has no idea what it is. After experiencing many challenges and meeting a bizarre cast of characters, he stumbles upon secret messages hidden in TV, movies, and music that are aimed at guiding humanity. Using these messages, he starts a new religion that changes his life, and ultimately, the world. This is so much more than just a story though, because throughout the journey, we learn how to discover and fulfill our own destiny using the clues of the universe that are all around us.

The Lost book is called, The Myth of Lost: Solving the Mysteries and Understanding the Wisdom.  It not only reveals an alternate solution that actually explains all the mysteries of the show, it also explains how the show’s wisdom can be applied to our real lives.